To pre-order, "The Goal of the Game," publishing on Dec. 16, please click on the book image. When the younger of my two sons finished his second-grade soccer season, having played on our town's B-level travel team, we received a call from the parent-manager of the A team. Based on tryouts, he said, Charly was being offered a promotion. He was good enough, the coaches were saying, to move up.
We were very proud of him, thrilled for him, and then after thinking about it for a day or two, and without so much as consulting him, said, no thank you.
To say that Charly was undersize for his age was an understatement. He was several inches smaller than the next smallest kid. He was fast, though. And by necessity, more than a little feisty. But in the interests of his little-guy self-esteem, we believed he was better off where he had been, one of the more competitive players at the B level.
Z, the main character of my new book, "The Goal of the Game," for middle-grade readers (ages 7/8 to 11/12), publishing on December 16 but now available for pre-order, was inspired, perhaps subliminally, by our experience with Charly. The question of what is best for a child competing in an increasingly pressurized youth-sports culture is not always obvious. When the standard answer is driven by ambition (often parental), peer status and more and more for-profit business that can prey on fears of being left behind, it can be scary to turn down any opportunity to advance.
In the book, Z has to reach the decision of what the goal of the game should be for him at a delicate stage of his almost-13-year-old life, on his own.
As for real-life Charly, who knows what would have happened had we pushed him forward to the A team, where we didn't think he would've been one of the stronger players? What we do know is that he did not become a soccer star, though he played through his junior high school season. What he did become was...a devoted basketball player, a four foot-ten inch 14-year-old who had the audacity to try out and make his 2000-student high school freshman team, play four years for his school and a couple more for his college club team. He has continued a love affair with the game into his early 30s, playing in men's leagues and pickup ball wherever he goes.
When we take inventory of our parental decisions, the successes measured against the mistakes, we never second-guess that one. We like to believe that because he stayed where he belonged, Charly's self-confidence rose steadily in those early soccer years. The growth spurt came later.
If you have had similar experiences and wish to share, please click on the comment link!
In the book, Z has to reach the decision of what the goal of the game should be for him at a delicate stage of his almost-13-year-old life, on his own.
As for real-life Charly, who knows what would have happened had we pushed him forward to the A team, where we didn't think he would've been one of the stronger players? What we do know is that he did not become a soccer star, though he played through his junior high school season. What he did become was...a devoted basketball player, a four foot-ten inch 14-year-old who had the audacity to try out and make his 2000-student high school freshman team, play four years for his school and a couple more for his college club team. He has continued a love affair with the game into his early 30s, playing in men's leagues and pickup ball wherever he goes.
When we take inventory of our parental decisions, the successes measured against the mistakes, we never second-guess that one. We like to believe that because he stayed where he belonged, Charly's self-confidence rose steadily in those early soccer years. The growth spurt came later.
If you have had similar experiences and wish to share, please click on the comment link!
